There is a lot of monkey business going on in the corporate world, and it’s not acceptable. Making money at the expense of the environment should not be allowed…
We’re all told “our children are our future,” but sometimes we hinder their progress by being stuck in the past. This post will help you discover how corporations have been playing monkey business with your family’s health — and how to stop falling for their tricks.
There’s no time for monkey business when your family’s welfare and happiness is at stake.
The Corporate Monkey Business You’ve Fallen For
Massive corporations have been running dodgy business schemes on your family for decades.
They’ve tricked you. They’ve lied to you. And they’ve gotten away with it because they’re too big to challenge.
Let’s expose a few of their monkey business tactics one by one.
Monkey Business #1: “Flushable” Wet Wipes That Aren’t Flushable
The biggest lie in bathroom products: Wet wipes labelled “flushable.”
City Councilman Costa Constantinides stated it clearly: “There is no such thing as a flushable wipe.”
Scientists have proved wet wipes DO NOT break down like toilet paper.
Yet manufacturers continue their business as normal, marketing them as “flushable” and “disposable.”
This results in:
- Thames Water removes 3.8 billion wet wipes annually from London sewers including this 100-tonne fatberg
- £18 million spent yearly clearing wet wipes from blocked sewers
- Massive fatbergs costing £220,000+ each to remove
- Raw sewage polluting rivers when sewers overflow
This is why Thames Water is going hard after wet wipe users — the unethical way of doing business has created an environmental disaster costing taxpayers millions.
Take the Feltham fatberg as evidence — 100 tonnes of congealed wet wipes that took over a month to clear. All because corporations played monkey business with “flushable” labels.
Who pays for this incompetence?
You do. I do. We all do even if you have NEVER thrown a single wet wipe down the toilet.
All through increased water bills to cover the massive cleanup costs.
Monkey Business #2: Fake Toilet Paper Advertising Since You Were A Kid
Remember those fluffy puppies? The clouds of softness? The ridiculous slogans you’ve seen since childhood?
That’s monkey business propaganda designed to make you think toilet paper is the only civilised option.
Classic fake toilet paper ad monkey business includes:
Exaggerated comfort promises:
- “So soft, you’ll think you’re on a cloud”
- “Experience a wipe so comfortable, you’ll forget what you’re doing”
- “The only thing it wipes is your problems”
Absurd, impossible benefits:
- “For a clean that feels like a hug”
- “Clean your conscience with every square”
- “Use our paper and watch your troubles disappear… into the bowl”
Self-referential humor hiding the truth:
- “Why are you still reading this? You could be wiping”
- “The paper you’re probably not using”
- “We’re not going to tell you what to do, but we’re not not saying it helps”
Playing on typical slogans with monkey business twists:
- “It’s strong. It’s soft. It’s… just paper”
- “The Quicker Picker Upper? No, that’s the other guy. We just make it softer”
The reality behind the monkey business:
For scratchy, low-quality paper they actually sell:
- “Don’t be a hero. Get our 1-ply”
- “It’s like wiping with a dry corn cob, but better”
- “Serious discomfort for serious business”
For oddly scented paper that irritates skin:
- “Now with a hint of lavender and regret”
- “Fights bad odors with even worse odors”
- “Warning: May not be edible”
For recycled paper that’s basically sandpaper:
- “Our recycled content is 100% used newspaper”
- “Comes with a free roll of sandpaper inside”
- “Leave a lasting impression with every wipe”
For luxury paper that’s still just paper:
- “Toilet paper for the 1%”
- “Pamper yourself one square at a time (Limited to 5 squares per visit)”
- “Because your bottom line matters (And your bottom)”
For eco-friendly paper that hurts:
- “Wipe clean, live green (And feel the roughness)”
- “Not so soft for your bum, but great for the planet”
- “Leaves no trees harmed (But may cause some personal harm)”
Monkey Business #3: Hiding The Water Cleansing Alternative
Here’s the biggest corporate monkey business of all:
For generations, we’ve known water is the smartest option to get clean and fresh. But toilet paper corporations spent billions hiding this truth from you.
Why the monkey business? Because if you discover water works better, they lose billions in recurring sales.
Their monkey business business model:
- Toilet paper: You buy weekly, forever (recurring revenue)
- Wet wipes: Even more expensive (even better recurring revenue)
- Bidet sprayer: Buy a good one once, should last 5-10 years (NO recurring revenue)
So they convinced you through decades of monkey business advertising that:
- Toilet paper is sufficient (it’s not)
- Wet wipes are flushable (they’re not)
- Bidet sprayers are weird/foreign (they’re used by half the world)
Monkey Business #4: Thames Water Executives Rewarding Themselves
Want to see monkey business at the highest level?
While wet wipes clog our sewers, costing at least £18 million annually, Thames Water executives paid themselves £2.5 million in bonuses from an emergency rescue loan.
That’s corporate monkey business at its finest:
- Your bills increased 31% (from £488 to £639)
- Sewers remain clogged
- Rivers polluted with sewage
- Company received record £122.7 million fine
- Executives reward themselves millions
Why We Accept This Monkey Business
I’ve never followed the logic: “It was good enough for us in our day, our kids should put up with it too.”
That’s how monkey business perpetuates across generations.
Technology moves forward. When I was young:
- People rejected microwave ovens (not necessary!)
- Mobile phones seemed ridiculous (who needs one?)
- My mum said the same happened with toasters and vacuum cleaners when they first came out
In the 21st century, many people still think toilet paper is “good enough” — not because it works, but because corporate monkey business convinced them it’s the only option.
The Solution: Stop Falling For Corporate Monkey Business
The Bum Gun bidet sprayer ends all the corporate monkey business schemes.
This device sits beside your toilet. When you’ve done your business:
- Grab the sprayer
- Position yourself by leaning to the left
- Aim. Fire. Squeeze the trigger
- In seconds, you’re “shower fresh” clean
No fuss. No mess. No bacteria on your hands like toilet paper.
Why The Bum Gun stops corporate monkey business:
✅ No wet wipes needed — eliminates the “flushable” lie entirely
✅ No toilet paper waste — stops funding deceptive advertising
✅ No fatberg contribution — you can’t clog sewers with water
✅ Superior cleanliness — water beats paper (they know it, now you do)
✅ One purchase, at least 5 years of reliable service — ends the recurring revenue scam
✅ Saves money — £250+ annually on paper/wipes
Your Family Deserves Better Than Monkey Business
Your family depends on you to see through corporate monkey business and provide proper hygiene tools.
Never be tricked into thinking toilet paper gets your loved ones properly clean. That’s exactly the monkey business they want you to believe.
Think about it: If your child got feces on their hands, would you let them wipe it with dry paper? No. You’d make them wash with water.
So why accept paper for their most sensitive areas?
Real Story: When Monkey Business Nearly Destroyed My Friend
I recently wrote about a close friend with Crohn’s disease who faced 10+ bathroom trips daily. Corporate monkey business told him toilet paper was his only option.
It was destroying his skin.
The Bum Gun’s gentle water spray ended the torture caused by believing corporate monkey business about paper being “good enough.”
Read his full story here: – https://www.thebumgun.com/crohns
In the article, I discuss:
- How corporate monkey business keeps better solutions hidden
- Why toilet paper companies spend billions protecting their profits
- The real relief water provides when monkey business claims paper is sufficient
- Choosing to reject corporate monkey business and take control of your family’s health
It’s Time To Stop The Nonsense. Use The Bum Gun.
There’s no time better to invest in the Bum Gun today because your family’s welfare is at stake.
Corporate giants have run unethical business schemes for decades:
- Lying about “flushable” wipes
- Faking toilet paper advertising claims
- Hiding water cleansing alternatives
- Rewarding executives while sewers clog
Your family deserves better.
Use The Bum Gun bidet sprayer every day and watch the quality of your life radically improve — while corporations lose their grip on your wallet and your family’s health.
Ready to stop falling for monkey business?
Read my friend’s full story about rejecting corporate lies: https://www.thebumgun.com/crohns
Then check out >> The Bum Gun Promotions Page and give your family the honest solution they deserve.
No nonsense. Just clean, fresh water. Just like half the world already uses.
Looking forward to taking care of your bidet sprayer needs,
Greg “Chief Hygiene Specialist” Noland
