Talk dirty to me honey…

Dec 24, 2020 | Best Gift Ever, Special Offer

I was over at my boyfriend’s house to celebrate our second anniversary…

After a nice meal, we were in bed, doing the deed.

I felt a rush of panic in my chest when he let out those fateful words…

“Talk dirty to me honey”

“Tell me how you feel babe…,” he grunted again.

And I felt my mouth go really dry.

My heart pounded.

I was in panic mode.

My mind went numb.

What did he want me to say?

What did he want me to do?

Finally, I said something…

Something I would regret as soon as the words passed my lips…

“You feel great inside me darling”…

But he said …nothing.

I felt so confused.

I felt so embarrassed.

He didn’t ask me again. He closed his eyes like he was concentrating.

And I wondered what he was thinking about.


His ex-girlfriend?

I knew she was prettier than me.

I needed to know.

But the worst part happened later that night…

It was a little after midnight when I woke up and reached across…

But our bed was empty.

I pulled on my dressing gown and went downstairs…

I thought he’d gone to get some water or something.

And then I heard a sound that sent a chill through my whole body…

A female voice. Moaning.

My palms sweaty, I crept around the corner and saw him…

The man I loved…

The man I wanted to marry one day…

Sitting at the computer naked… Touching himself.


We’d just made love a few hours before but here he was masturbating and watching PORN…

I’ve always wondered why guys do that…

Why would you need to watch porn when you’ve got a real woman right there?

On the screen was a girl… not much prettier than me…

Touching herself and moaning and saying the dirtiest, naughtiest, things…

Things a “good girl” like me would never think of…

Things I thought I could never make myself say…

Even though I felt betrayed…

…I couldn’t look away… And then I looked at Colin’s face and saw…

The biggest smile I’d ever seen on his face.

In the two years we’d been together I’d never seen him look so happy.

Never seen him look so masculine.

So satisfied!

Was he cheating on me with this slut?

Had he ever met her?

My mind was racing…

I know I don’t have to tell you how worthless and ugly I felt…

How I felt like I could never measure up to his fantasies…

The same fantasies, two hours before I never knew he had…

And I thought of the times we’d tried to “experiment” and I’d wanted him to try new things and he just grumbled like a sad puppy.

I couldn’t face this anymore.

I went back to bed.

I acted like I was asleep when he came back to bed.

Like I’d been asleep the whole time, burying my face in the pillow so he wouldn’t see the tears.

He spooned me and I shuddered and had to bite my tongue so I didn’t tighten up.

And I lay there for hours thinking and thinking…

I thought of how I looked in the mirror

I knew I’d never be a catwalk model.

I’d never be a teenager again.

I’d never be a pornstar.

And lying there, feeling his breath on my neck…

I just wondered why he didn’t love me like the girl on the screen.


The next day he was gone when I woke up.

He just disappeared. To his office I presume.

I tried to call…

But he didn’t answer.

Had he gone off me?

Had he realized I caught him?

That’s the insidious thing about analitosis (anal odour). You, yourself, rarely know when you have it. And even your closest friends won’t tell you.

Sometimes, of course, analitosis comes from some deep-seated organic disorder that requires professional advice. But usually, and fortunately, analitosis is only a local condition that yields to the regular use of The Bum Gun to get properly clean.

It is an interesting thing that this well-known personal hygiene device that has been in use for years in SE Asia, yet countless men and women in the UK, USA and Australia are still struggling with toilet paper in the 21st century.

The Bum Gun destroys analitosis for every user within the first days of use.

It halts anal odours and vaginal odours which can destroy relationships.

The systematic use of The Bum Gun puts you on the safe and polite side of life.

You will know all your friends and colleagues will never again be disturbed by your analitosis condition.

Fastidious people everywhere are making The Bum Gun a regular part of their daily hygiene routine.

Your toilet paper supplier will not be very happy of course. He’s been peddling their product for years, hoping you’ll never find a better option.

But times change. Better products are always developed.

So, don’t be shocked if you see less toilet paper on sale in your local supermarket in years to come.

It is time to be saved from toilet paper and enjoy all the benefits of kicking analitosis to the curb.

Just remember, ‘You Deserve To Be Shower Fresh Clean After Every Toilet Visit’.

Embrace better personal hygiene with The Bum Gun…

The Best Gift Ever

A device, millions of people around the world are already enjoying.

But in places like the UK, USA and Australia, they are still struggling with nasty toilet paper.

Don’t waste your opportunity to give your loved one a super special gift this year.

A gift you truly can call ‘The Best Gift Ever’.

An iphone might be a cool gift to receive. But it’s NOT life-changing.

Look, the truth is, if your sweetheart is still using toilet paper, this gift will blow them away.

This gift will put you in their good books for years…

I don’t say that lightly.

And, I stand by it, 100%.

Once they discover the refreshing difference The Bum Gun makes in their lives, well, just wait for their response…

The Bum Gun truly is life-changing…

The Bum Gun truly can be called ‘The Best Gift Ever’

I promise you that…

Make this your best year ever.

And to sweeten the experience, even more, grab my Irresistible Offer with this link:

Don’t delay. The clock is ticking.



“For analitosis….use The Bum Gun”


I look forward to serving you,

Greg Noland

CEO & Founder

The Bum Gun Ltd

PS: Here’s that link again to the time-sensitive promotion: 

Greg Noland

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