A story of hope for every toilet paper user. Determined to give themselves and their family the first-class hygiene device they deserve…


“How I Discovered A Cleaner, Cheaper and Greener Option

To Rough Old Toilet Paper After 22 Years of

Pain, Discomfort and Expense.

Now I Enjoy ‘Shower Fresh’ Cleanliness

After Every Toilet Visit!

And You Can Too!


Now YOU can discover the 21st-century answer to an age-old problem. That will radically improve the quality of your life. Every time you’re on the porcelain throne…


  • Without spending your hard earned money on toilet paper every week…
  • Without having to follow the toilet paper crowd. Just because that was the only thing available when you were a kid…
  • And without EVER allowing yourself to be intimidated by pompous toilet paper advertisements. By the massive corporations.  Who insist they know what’s best for your family!

Read on to discover the real costs of toilet paper…

Picture this…

You’ve just had your morning shower…

You feel fresh and invigorated…

Your body is super clean…

You get dressed for work. Put on your freshly ironed clothes. You lace up your shoes…

You’re just about to grab your jacket…

But then…

…your stomach starts turning…

Damn, looks like a no.2 is on the way!

But you’ve only just showered and got super clean and dressed.

You don’t want to have to shower again after your poop.

But there’s no way you’re going to work after using the nasty toilet paper…

…without feeling properly clean.

You’re going to be late for work.

Darn it!

But are you?

Not now you have your new bidet sprayer installed.

You sit on the throne…

Do your business. Then reach for your trusty bidet sprayer…

After a few seconds spraying with the invigorating jet of water, you feel just as clean as your morning shower!


‘Shower fresh clean’ again, while almost fully clothed!


A few dabs with your little towel you hang next to your toilet to dry and you’re good as gold.

Thankfully, you’re not going to be late…


Dear Frustrated Toilet Paper User:

My name is Greg Noland and I’m a Toilet Paper Survivor…

I’m just a regular guy who spent 22 years of my life struggling with toilet paper pain, but struck gold, by mistake whilst on a trip to the Far East.

Ever since then, people have been giving me comments like…

“I can’t believe how I ever put up with nasty toilet paper for so long! Never again”

Well, the truth is: it wasn’t easy.

The pain started very young for me. I used to have to call my mum when I’d done a ‘jobbie’. I must have been around 2 or 3.

I remember having to bend down and touch my toes…

Then the pain began.

Rasp after rasp. The abrasive paper scratched across my young, tender skin.

The pain hit deep.

And more was to come.

Then my mum would finish with daps of antiseptic savlon. Which gave a stinging sensation that shot threw my whole body.

Into my teens the pain and discomfort continued.

But I’d moved on to wetting the toilet paper when I could which gave some relief.

I tried aloe vera which also eased the pain somewhat. But I hated the whole painful and messy ordeal.

I hated walking around for the rest of the day knowing I wasn’t properly clean…

The torn and irritated skin often led to bleeding.

I was sick of the embarrassing anal itch which accompanies toilet paper use.

I would want to rub myself up against the corner of a table to provide some relief.

But I knew I couldn’t.

I felt like a flea ridden stray dog…

Rough. Dirty. Desperate.

This was before the Internet so finding a solution wasn’t easy.

I even went to the doctors for help…

His solution..? Use savlon for relief Greg!

Tried that mate!

I tried a different doctor. Same result.


I Knew There Had To Be A Better Way!


The conflicting advice flying at me was frustrating. Some eased the discomfort.

Nothing was a total solution.

I grew weary thinking I’d never find relief from my suffering.

And friends and family were no help when they told me “just get used to it, everyone has to put up with toilet paper”.

Through this agonizing ordeal. One thought kept coming back to me: This shouldn’t be so hard!


Wet Wipes vs. Toilet Paper

The Battle in Your Bathroom


Then one day I was at my aunt’s house. And she was changing the nappy on my new nephew.

She was using baby wet wipes to clean his poop. And would then wrap the dirty wet wipes and nappy in old newspaper.

I asked her why she did that. Why not flush down the toilet?

She said, “You can NOT flush nappies and wet wipes. Or you will block the water pipes and sewers.”

I couldn’t see me taking newspaper to the toilet every day. But I wanted to try.

I bought a few packs of wet wipes and left them by the toilet, ready for my next ordeal. Along with a few old newspapers.

It wasn’t long before I felt my bowels making movements…

I hopped on my throne. Did my business. I split the pack of wet wipes. And took my first swipe. Ok, that didn’t feel so bad. But then came a problem.

A big problem!

How was I supposed to wrap the dirty wet-wipe in newspaper?

I was stuck with one hand holding a messed up wet-wipe and one free hand to rip off some newspaper. I couldn’t do it.

Admittedly, I had to discard the wet-wipe into the toilet. Even though my aunt told me not to. I had no choice.

Then I ripped some newspaper. Laid it on the floor. Then continued to wipe. Then dump the nasty rags into the paper.

When done, I wrapped up the newspaper and discarded in the bin. The whole saga was nasty!

This Was NOT the answer to my problems…


And Then…a Breakthrough!


My breakthrough came when I was training for the North of England Karate Championships.

A friend suggested I go with him to Thailand to train.

His brother had a huge house in Bangkok and we could stay for free.

He knew a Thai boxing gym, 5 minutes walk away. A month later we were on a plane.

One day after training the Big Mama of the gym invited me to eat with all the boxers.

This was a first.

It felt like a rite of passage.

I couldn’t refuse even though it felt like a tarmac roller had crushed my bones.

But that’s how I always felt after the mammoth 3 hour training sessions. In 95 degree heat and massive humidity.

My shins constantly pounded by legs of steel.

But I accepted Big Mama’s invite.

We all sat on the concrete floor in the center of the gym as plates and plates of food arrived. I’d only been in Thailand a few weeks so didn’t know any of the foods.

My broken body needed energy. I guzzled spoons of food.

I noticed there were lots of “red and green vegetables” sprinkled over most of the dishes as I devoured bite after bite.

The food was delicious. But then after a few minutes, IT hit me!! Dang! My mouth was burning!!

It turned out the red and green vegetables’ weren’t exactly vegetables.

They were Thailand’s infamous “prik-kee-noo”, skin-peeling, burning hot chillies.

I couldn’t eat anymore. Much to the amusement of everyone present. I said my goodbyes and made the short walk home.

As I was opening the giant golden gate of the place I was staying I felt an intense bowel movement. I had to get to the toilet quick!

I had barely ripped my sweat-drenched shorts off, when the floods came…

After cleaning up, I hit the shower.

But as soon as I finished. I needed the toilet, again.

And again. And again.

By the 13th session on the toilet, my under-carriage was ripped to shreds.

I went to the kitchen to get some water.

And on the way I bumped into the driver of the house, Somchai.

He could see I was in distress.

So I explained the situation…

He couldn’t believe I was using toilet paper.

“Why aren’t you using the toilet hose?” he asked.

“What do you mean?” I replied.

Then, he explained what it was, and how to use it.

I was completely dumbfounded.

It made total sense.

Why the heck have western countries not discovered this super smart invention?

Somchai didn’t believe me when I said we didn’t have these toilet sprayers in the UK.

It shocked him we still used toilet paper.

He said all his life he believed western countries were so advanced.

This mini-shower hose for every family in the 21st century is called The Bum Gun bidet sprayer.

With a simple squeeze of the trigger you get an invigorating jet of water to clean yourself perfectly after every toilet visit.

And females can use it front and back. And especially during pad or tampon changes.

Using water to clean your body should not surprise you. So don’t discount this advancement in bathroom hygiene before you give it a chance.

You’ll kick yourself if you miss this chance to improve your life.

I don’t want that to happen to you.

You work far too hard to have to struggle on with toilet paper. You know you deserve better in your life.


So why are so many smart, educated people 

still using toilet paper in the west?


Honestly, it’s the million dollar conundrum that’s baffled me since that torturous day in Thailand.

The only reason I can come up with is, pure ignorance.

Most people have never heard of this life-changing device… yet.

I often talk with tourists in Thailand, Cambodia and Vietnam. The majority say they fell in love with The Bum Gun on their first trip to Asia.

Comments like this spur me on to help more and more people.

“Dear Greg,

Honestly, we are IN AWE of the effectiveness of our new bumgun. One big problem though…

We won’t be able to leave the house. Because then we’ll be forced to use yucky toilet paper. Thank you again for changing the lives of all our family!”

~ Lori and Todd, Athens Georgia


And today, it’s your turn.

You might think there’s nothing wrong with toilet paper.

And, you are right.

I was the same too.

I was even in Thailand a few weeks before I tried The Bum Gun.

It wasn’t until that mega spicy meal at the Thai boxing gym I told you about.

And honestly. That was a truly eye-opening day. And I’ve never looked back.

Perhaps you tried the old hop-on-and-off bidets before. And they did not impress you. But don’t give up on The Bum Gun just yet…

Those old style bidets are nothing like this modern invigorating jet sprayer.

The Bum Gun is cheaper than a bidet for a start. It’s more practical and saves space too.


Why Don’t More People Use The Bum Gun?


Standard bidets have been around for years but most people could not afford them or didn’t have big enough bathrooms to install them.

You might have tried one and didn’t like them. I was like that too. I tried one at my friend’s house when I was a teenager, but the water jet was so weak it hardly gave a decent clean.

Plus, it was not convenient to finish your business and then have to jump on to another unit.

However, in the last twenty years, there has been a revolution in the form of The Bum Gun stainless steel sprayer.

The Bum Gun is a mini-shower hose installed on the wall. Next to your toilet. You squeeze the trigger in the palm of your hand. This regulates the power of the water jet.

And you can get any angle of water jet easily.

You will always have the desired strength of the water jet. This flexibility is unmatched in any other type of bidet.

I believe every family deserves the benefits of The Bum Gun bidet sprayer.

Honestly, a device so effective, it can’t be long until every bathroom in the UK, USA, and Canada have one installed.

I’ve interviewed hundreds, if not thousands of Bum Gun users over the years. And the feeling is mutual..

They will NEVER return to toilet paper.

That is strong social proof that this device is an absolute winner.

Perhaps thinking about and talking about a device to clean your private parts (front and back for the ladies) might just be too strange for most people to handle.

Many Europeans tell me they use a bidet in their countries.

And when I talk to most Asians, they don’t even believe most British and Americans are still using toilet paper.

They say ‘advanced cultures’ should not still use toilet paper.

I believe it’s definitely time for you to embrace this technology. And put all your toilet paper frustrations behind you.

You deserve better in your life.

And you owe it to your family to experience the effectiveness of The Bum Gun. They will love the feeling of being properly clean after every toilet visit.

I have heard many misconceptions over the years why toilet paper users might not use The Bum Gun yet:

  • Too difficult to install
  • Probably too expensive
  • They would use too much water
  • The water will give them too much of a shock
  • Difficult to aim the water jet


But these concerns and worries have no basis at all. The Titan model is our supreme bestseller. And in most cases, a professional plumber will install it within 10 minutes.

Your plumber can connect your Bum to a thermostat if you want warm water.

And the days of…

…grabbing streams of toilet paper. Folding or scrunching. Reaching back. Wiping. Reaching again. Folding or scrunching. Reaching back. Wiping.

Again and again. And again are OVER!

Just pick up The Bum Gun in your right hand. Lean to the left. Aim at your chocolate star-fish. Squeeze the trigger for a few seconds.

‘Shower fresh’ clean.

Then dry off.

I’m sure you’ll find The Bum Gun super-simple to use. 


Return on Investment (ROI)

Within 42 Days…


So how much is this puppy gonna cost me?

I’m glad you asked.

I’ll explain the cost of The Bum Gun bidet sprayer in the chart below.

First, as you know the toilet paper multi-packs hog most of your shopping trolley in the supermarket.

That’s another benefit you want have to struggle with once you have The Bum Gun.

A small double pack should last a month or more when used for drying. But many of my clients tell me they use a small towel to dry. 


In the chart below I compare a regular 9-roll multi-pack of toilet paper with our best-selling bidet sprayer.

I understand that your house might use less or more than the figures stated. And also that you might use a different brand. At a different price point. So please just use the figures given as a guideline.

I have not included the price of water as this is minimal.

In the UK a typical brand’s 9-pack sells for about £5.75 and has 160 sheets per roll…

I used the Waitrose Andrex Skin Kind. This pack should last a family of four about 4 or 5 days.


Sample pricing and data – Updated 15th Sept 2019.

††Based on a UK household size of 4 people, and a daily average use of 90 sheets per person.


Not Included:

  • Price increases of toilet paper over 5 years
  • Fuel costs to buy toilet paper every
  • Installation costs for The Bum Gun


From the table, you can see how the Titan at £60 would pay for itself in only 42 days.

Note: Depending on your household habits, your payback period could even be less. Such as having more children. Other people living in the house. Guests, or female teens who use the most toilet paper out of all participants in my research.


Does £60 sound like an expensive item

if it radically improves the quality of your life?


Last month I bought a new Braun ProSkin electric shaver.

It was £180.00!

What does it do?

Yep, it trims stubble. That’s it.


A multi-pack of Bic razors would probably set me back £2 or £3.

But I’ve got sensitive skin and the fancy razors treat my skin kindly.

Life is too short to be ripping my face to shreds.

Just like I hate ripping my under-carriage to shreds with toilet paper.


Also, I just took these regular household products from the Debenhams website. There is nothing life-changing about any of these products. But most households have something similar.

Probably yours too. 

  • Panasonic – Black microwave with oven and grill: £360
  • Kitchen Aid ‘Candy Apple’ food mixer: £429
  • Miele Allervac 5000 Vacuum Cleaner: £279
  • Krups Pixie Red Coffee Machine: £190
  • Sage Juicer: £150

All handy items I guess. But I’d NEVER replace my Bum Gun with any of these appliances.

The reason I have shown this analysis is to help you understand that The Bum Gun is not expensive. And in fact will save you a very tidy amount over 5 years. And with an ROI of only 42 days there is nothing to hold your family back.

And this is in addition to all the extraordinary hygiene benefits you get.

Plus, the environmental benefits.


Imagine What It Will Feel Like

To Never Have To Worry About

Toilet Paper Pain…and Discomfort Ever Again…

Or Have To Buy Yet Another Huge Pack…


Don’t waste your hard earned money on flimsy plastic sprayers from Amazon or eBay. They often crack and split within weeks of purchase. Then leak all over your floor.

Just look at some comments of the best-selling sprayer on Amazon:


“Leaked after one month”

 “Leak at nozzle trigger

 “The sprayer has cheap plastic components


 Enjoy the benefits of investing in

the ‘Real Deal’ Stainless Steel Bidet Sprayers

from The Bum Gun

With Our Iron Clad 5-Year Warranty!


5 Year Warranty

Enjoy our generous 5-year warranty so you get years of trouble-free use.

60 Day Trial

If you really believe toilet paper gets you cleaner after 60 days testing The Bum Gun. Return your bum gun with his tail between his legs. And get your money back.

Peace of Mind

Enjoy peace of mind. During your 60-day testing phase. And for years after. Knowing you have an original 304 stainless steel sprayer.

Save Your Hard-Earned Money

Don’t waste your money on toilet paper anymore, or save at least 80% (when using for drying).

Save Your Tender Bits

You’ll find the tenderness of the invigorating water jet one of the biggest advantages over rough old toilet paper.

Save Your Precious Time

A few seconds of spraying & you’re done. And no more time wasted shopping for toilet paper every week.



What Is The Price If You Do Nothing Today?

Most people realize there is a cost associated with buying a product…

But they rarely realize or understand the cost of doing nothing.

I need to make you aware of this

Look, I understand if you’re sitting on the fence

It’s natural to have some fear about investing in The Bum Gun.

After all, you’ve been using toilet paper pretty much since the day you were born, right?

But let’s take a second to think about what might happen if you don’t buy…

Imagine you wake up 6 months from now and your life is exactly the same…

Would you be ok with that?

You are still suffering from toilet paper pain and discomfort…

You are still going through your day, knowing you are NOT clean down there.

You are still suffering from nasty skid-marks in your underpants.

You are still shocked at the blood on your toilet paper.

You are still tired of wasting your hard earned money on toilet paper every week.

Your family is still tired of having to put up with toilet paper.

Your family is still waiting for you to take action and invest in their quality of life.

Look I’m not trying to be mean here.

I’m trying to demonstrate a very important point to you.

A point so important, it has the power to change your life, forever.

And not just your life, but every single person who lives in your house. Your partner. All your kids.

And their grandparents if they live with you.

I’m trying to help you get off that fence as a thinker, as an action taker.

It is my duty to help you understand the importance of improving your personal hygiene and quality of life.

I would be doing a disservice to you. And I would not doing my job properly if I didn’t drive home the importance of you taking action today.

This is your life we’re talking about here.

I’m not sure how much you know my story…

But I was in a very serious car crash when I was younger.

And while I was stuck in the ICU, barely able to move my legs…

I made a promise that I would make my life meaningful.

That I wouldn’t drift through my life, without any purpose.

I made a promise that if I was given the chance to walk again. I would pay back ‘the greater powers’ by helping others improve their lives.

And right here, right now, this is where I am paying back…

By doing my best to help you make the right decision.

Now, it’s time to test this clever little invention for yourself.


Order today, and enjoy my generous offer making this an absolute no-brainer. And zero risk for you.

Go on. Click that buy button below and fill out the simple order form with your details.

And that’s all there is to it.

We’ll rush your order to you immediately.


To your excellent health,

Greg Noland

CEO The Bum Gun Ltd

“I’m now a believer in The Bum Gun

As my wife travels abroad as part of her job, she came across The Bum Gun long before me. After every trip she wouldn’t stop raving about them. I laughed at her for it, but I bought one for her birthday. To my surprise, this device is truly refreshing. I feel cleaner than I’ve ever felt after a poop. Now, I understand why other cultures have the bum gun in their bathrooms. The brushed satin finish is very stylish and looks great in our new bathroom.

Tony - Witham, Essex

“I didn’t know I needed The Bum Gun, now I can’t live without it”


To be honest, I’ve waited months to place an order. I thought toilet paper was all that was needed. BIG MISTAKE. I’ve never felt cleaner. And when I’ve had to go back to using toilet paper, I just feel disgusted. The Titan Bum Gun will change your life. Don’t waste your sanity putting up with crappy loo paper. Great product, highly recommended.

D.H Jackson - Hendon, London


Why is it so important that I clean myself so much down there? I‘ve got by for years with toilet paper.

Ok, if this is your train of thought on the matter, then perhaps I will never win you over. But what about your family members? The Bum Gun will improve your family‘s quality of life even if you‘re not interested. Just because you wish to struggle on with toilet paper, does that mean your family members have to do without also?

Also, we use water to wash every other part of our bodies so why would we restrict ourselves a little water to clean our most private parts? A no brainer when you think about it.

Toilet sprayers might be ok in a hot country. But I don‘t want to walk around with a wet bum all day.

This is always a strange misconception to me. After cleaning yourself with The Bum Gun, yes your private parts will be wet. But what do you do after a shower? After you‘ve washed your face? You use a towel, right? Same deal with The Bum Gun. What most people do is to keep a flannel sized towel hanging next to their toilet to dry off with. Obviously for public bathrooms, you simply use a few sheets of toilet paper to dry off with.

Do you truly believe the Bum Gun option is cleaner and healthier?

The Bum Gun really is the hottest modern development in personal hygiene for years.

Do you really need The Bum Gun?  Dr. Oz said on the Oprah show, “If you had pee or poop on your hand, you wouldn't wipe it off with toilet paper, would you? You'd wash it off, right?" The Bum Gun gives you the technology to do that in the most efficient and comfortable way possible.

Can I really save $1,000s of dollars when using The Bum Gun?

The Bum Gun will not only save you a lot of pain and discomfort. But will also save you a ton of money on toilet paper. Have you ever thought how much toilet paper you buy over a full year? That’s money you could spend on fun things. Not thrown down your toilet every single day.

I‘ve never even heard of The Bum Gun!

If you have never even heard of The Bum Gun before, it’s not your fault. The Bum Gun is a completely new product to the west. However, millions of Asians have been enjoying the benefits of this technology for years.

It’s only a matter of time until this technology is fully embraced by the west. Don’t be left behind.

Doesn’t The Bum Gun waste water?

This is one of the biggest fallacies about The Bum Gun. Yes, The Bum Gun uses water.  However, the amount of water used is minimal when compared to the millions of gallons of water used to produce toilet paper every single day.

The Bum Gun only uses about 150-250 ml of water with every use, so perhaps 1.0 to 1.5 litres per day. The average toilet, even the economical flushing toilets use about 1.6 gallons per flush.

Just one less flush per day will cover your water needs for your Bum Gun. Plus, it wouldn‘t take much effort to flush two or three times less per day.

Also, try turning off the tap when soaping up in the shower and when shaving and brushing your teeth. Most people don't realise this. You’ll save hundreds of gallons of water if you do.

I‘ve heard sprayers from China leak.

Amazon and eBay do have a lot of cheap sprayers. When buying a bidet sprayer, make sure it is made from high quality stainless steel. And also comes with a 5 year warranty.

I‘ve bought some Bum sprayers from eBay before but I wasn‘t satisfied by the spraying nozzle. Water sprayed out too far.

You don’t want a sprayer with a wide arc, like a salad sprayer. These sprayers do not have the spraying efficiency of The Bum Gun. When you’re cleaning your private parts you need a very direct, controlled spraying action. To hit the size of a large coin. This is another massive benefit of The Bum Gun because we have spent the time to design and develop our Bum Guns to spray in a very specific manner so you‘re not soaking a large area of your bottom.

I’ve heard using the Bum Gun will give me more energy. Is this true?

There isn’t much evidence anyone has ever caught a venereal disease using a toilet in a public restroom. But some diseases can be in bathrooms such as the norovirus. This particular germ (found in fecal matter) lasts longer on surfaces than others.

The Bum Gun can keep you away from toilet paper bacteria. But you still need to be careful in public bathrooms, such as taps and door handles. That’s why it’s essential to thoroughly wash your hands.  Unfortunately, studies have shown that not everyone does this.

I haven't taken a day off work in over 20 years using The Bum Gun every day.

I live in Canada where the water is freezing cold. I couldn’t spray ice cold water up my booty!

For customers who require warm water for their Bum Gun, you can simply install a warm water mixer. A warm water mixer can be used to save your crown jewels if you live in an area with particularly cold water.

My home is in rural Wales, so we are off the standard water mains. If I don‘t have enough water pressure at my house, the Bum Gun won‘t work.

You got me on this one. Yes, The Bum Gun needs water pressure to function. If you live in an area with no water mains pressure, you might have to use a bucket and scoop.  

I don‘t believe wet wipes don‘t disintegrate when we flush them down the toilet.

Try searching ―Fatbergs on YouTube. Fatbergs are an absolute menace in every major city.

If fatbergs aren’t discovered in time, raw sewage could spurt out of manholes and into people‘s homes. And guess who is paying the millions in costs to fix these problems? Yes, all of us!

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