How To Beat Toilet Paper Shortages Forever

Apr 17, 2020 | Covid-19, Toilet Paper Shortages, Toilet Paper Wars 2020

Do you want to be a superhero in your family, and improve their lives forever?

Do your family members enjoy being clean and fresh?

Then read on...


I was round at a friend’s house this lunchtime, when I heard the strangest conversation…

I was talking with the owner of the house, let’s call her Debbie,  when she got a facetime call from one of her neighbours. I actually know her from school. Let’s call her Clare (to respect their privacy).

Clare was in one of our local grocery stores when she called…

So Clare asks…

“Hey Debbie, they’ve just got a toilet paper shipment in. Do you want me to grab you some? It’s crazy here. People are grabbing bales and bales of toilet paper off the wooden pallets before the staff can even put them on the shelves. I don’t think any will be left by this afternoon.”

“No, you’re ok, I’ve got a very special visitor today, who’ll help me out. Long term.”

Clare answers back inquisitively… “Is that the guy you met last week?”

“Oh, no. Not him. This is the King of Bathroom Hygiene”. Debbie answers back.

I’m not sure if she said that in jest, or as an honest opinion of the work I’m doing for mankind.

But I’ll take it all the same.

I was actually round at Debbie’s house to install two Titan Bum Guns.

I still have Bum Guns in stock, but I’m eager to get the next shipment from the factory.

Thankfully, they are still working. 

With worldwide toilet paper shortages I’ve been swamped organising international shipments.

I’ve had orders from all corners of the world in the last few weeks. So I’m stoked to be helping so many families.

I just wish we didn’t need a global epidemic to spur people on.

I asked Debbie why it took her so long to order her Bum Guns.

She told me she’d been meaning to get round to ordering for months.

She’s got two bathrooms and actually has a bidet sprayer she bought from amazon in her bedroom bathroom.

But she said it leaks all over the place, and has a super weak spraying motion.

I asked her how long it lasted before it started leaking.

Her answer didn’t surprise me…

“Just 2 weeks. It was great in the first week. And I was happy it was such a bargain. In fact, it was half the price of yours Greg.”

“Not very cheap when it only lasts two weeks though, Debbie.”

“I know. I know.”

I asked Debbie if she’s ever discussed using Bum Guns with Clare.

She told me that she’d actually travelled around Thailand and Vietnam with Clare a couple of years ago. 

And that while she instantly fell in love with the bidet sprayers in Asia, Clare didn’t.

She said Clare was apprehensive of even trying to use one. 

It’s not like I haven’t heard this excuse before, but it’s really upsetting all the same.

As you probably know, if you’ve been reading my Bum Gun blog posts over the last 8 years…

I’m extremely passionate about helping as many people as possible to wean them off toilet paper.

But I’m very well aware, changing people’s habits of a lifetime won’t be easy.

And that’s true even if people admit toilet paper doesn’t get them clean.

Even if they admit toilet paper hurts, and often cuts their skin.

And even if people admit they feel yucky when using toilet paper.

But people still continue using the stuff.


And here’s the thing…my plan when I first started the Bum Gun company in 2012 was to help 20,000,000 people.

Help 20 million people discover that there is life after toilet paper.

And in fact, it truly is life-changing to discover how effective The Bum Gun bidet sprayer truly is.

It’s an absolute no-brainer in my mind.

And every Bum Gun user feels the same.

I mean, why would anyone prefer smearing doo-doo around their most intimate areas of their body, in favour of getting ‘properly’ clean when using the toilet?

No one would. Right?

Not one single sane person in the world would prefer toilet paper over getting properly clean with The Bum Gun.

Unless personal hygiene is not important to them, that is.

But…I don’t know one single person in my life who doesn’t shower every day.

I don’t know anyone who doesn’t use soap. Shampoo. Deodorant. Perfume or after-shave. Skin cream. 

Do you know any female who doesn’t like dressing up?

Maybe using makeup. Maybe not. 

But do you know any female in your life who doesn’t enjoy looking fabulous?

Do you know any female who doesn’t enjoy feeling clean and fresh?

No. I don’t either.

We all love looking great. Feeling special.

And that’s why I believe everyone deserves to enjoy the benefits of actually being properly clean after every toilet visit.

Forget rough, old toilet paper. Today.

Let the coronavirus at least improve your life in one way.

Let the coronavirus and toilet paper shortages help you discover the joys of being ‘shower-fresh’ clean after every toilet visit.

Let the coronavirus show you how you can save money on your weekly toilet paper bills.


“VIP Your Bathroom Hygiene Today 

And Save £2,568.44 On Your Toilet Paper Bill Over The Next 5 Years”

Click this link below and rapidly improve your family’s personal hygiene forever.

>>>Yes, I want to be a superhero in my family

Or paste this link in your browser:

Stay safe my friends…

Greg Noland 
The King of Bathroom Hygiene

“The Future of Bathroom Hygiene in the 21st Century”

Greg Noland

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