Have you seen the picture of Alex Rodriguez in the toilet doing the rounds of social media today?
We’ve probably all been ‘caught with our pants down’ once in our lives, figuratively or literally.
Well, on this occasion it looks like it’s the famous Yankees home-run star with the red cheeks…
If you don’t know who he is, Alexander Rodriguez, nicknamed “A-Rod”, was a very successful American baseball player for the New York Yankees and other teams. He has ventured into numerous business interests since hanging up his glove and bat. Today he is known for being one of the best baseball players of all time. His net worth (prior to the toilet pic) is estimated to be roughly $300 million dollars. But more about that in a minute…
Some are saying Alex Rodriguez’s viral toilet pic could land the hedge dude who took the picture in hot water. It’s reported that Alex has initiated his legal team to hunt him down. Of course, he would…
Why do you think the ex-yankee slugger is so annoyed?
- Do you think some of his private parts are showing?
- Do you think he’s embarrassed people know he’s still using nasty toilet paper?
- Is his bathroom a right royal ‘dump’?
But now this story is doing the viral rounds, I guess more people are eager to see what all the fuss is about.
Let’s have a bit of fun and work out which of the 3 points above we think most irks poor old Alex Rodriguez.
Now, I don’t want to show you the picture for obvious legal reasons. But why do you think Alex Rodriguez is so annoyed?
Do you think some of Alex Rodriguez’s private parts are showing?
If he’s sat down on the toilet in the picture, it’s hard to believe anything embarrassing is showing.
Do you think Alex Rodriguez is embarrassed people know he’s still using nasty toilet paper?
Whenever a celebrity posts a picture of themselves sat on the royal throne, their choice of cleaning device is usually on show. I remember a few years ago, a very popular British model posted a picture of herself on her potty. What might not have been noticeable to most people at first was that she had installed a gleaming gold Bum Gun. Only the best for certain people.
While David ‘Golden Balls’ Beckham reportedly loves his golden toilet paper (bet he’s upgraded to The Bum Gun by now), which self-respecting lady wouldn’t want to be ‘shower fresh’ clean after every toilet visit?
But once the public realized this model uses a golden bidet sprayer, sales of The Bum Gun shot through the roof, at least for a few weeks. We completely ran out of stock…
Obviously, her fans couldn’t wait to upgrade their bathrooms to the VIP super-hygiene device.
Is Alex Rodriguez’s bathroom a right royal ‘dump’?
It’s been reported that A-Rod’s apartment is worth in the region of $17 million so I doubt the Billionaires’ Row style bathroom is anything but ‘super-plush’.
Is the Hedge Fund Manager responsible for A-Rod’s toilet pic sweating?
We know that asset management has been boring lately, but this is a very strange way to pass the time. Why was he snooping around someone else’s bathroom in the first place?
You would have thought most paparazzi have the common decency to allow someone to ‘have a dump’ in peace. Maybe not.
Now, most hedge fund guys are pretty loaded. So I’m guessing he didn’t take the picture to make some money. Maybe he’d had a few too many champagne cocktails, and he just thought it would be a laugh.
Maybe he thought, “Who wouldn’t want to see a picture of the silver slugger having a poop on the can?”
Apparently, A-Rod likes to keep his blinds open while having a number 2. However, I’m not sure how that piece of ‘vital’ information got out. But I guess he’ll think twice about the blinds after this.
He shares the millionaire pad with fiancée Jennifer Lopez. So I’m sure she’s glad it isn’t a pic of her on the golden throne going viral.
As a smart businessman, I’m pretty sure the Hank Aaron Award winner will come out of this whole episode smiling all the way to the bank. Guys like Alex Rodriguez have a very smart way of turning events like this in their favour. By action or coincidence.
I wouldn’t be shocked if his net worth of $300 million dollars sees at least a 10% rise from this so-called embarrassing moment.
Also, I doubt it would surprise anyone if this whole affair was a carefully orchestrated publicity stunt. Huge disclaimer though: I’m in no way saying that A.Rod set this thing up. Just that past events of the global entertainment hierarchy often benefit, massively from these ‘embarrassing’ episodes.
Paris Hilton’s Sex Video
It’s reported Paris increased her net-worth by at least $2 million dollars following the exposure of her sex video with her ex-boyfriend.
Kim Kardashian’s Sex Tape
Kardashian is obviously not shy of a bit of free publicity. When her sex tape ‘sneaked out’ she initially tried to sue to prevent it from being released. She eventually settled the suit.
But I think it’s no exaggeration to say that in the 10 years since the Kim Kardashian’s Sex Tape was first exposed Kardashian has transformed American culture and likewise her bank account.
I’m pretty sure Alex Rodriguez will come out of this smelling of roses…or at least keep his financial managers very happy.
Moral of the Story?
Make sure you don’t get caught with your pants down. Upgrade your bathroom to the 21st century with the Premium Solution to a centuries-old problem. Clean your poop off properly, and never smear with rough old toilet paper ever again!
You owe it to your private parts. You deserve to be ‘Shower Fresh’ clean after EVERY toilet visit.
Greg “We Clean Your Butt Better” Noland
PS: If you’re female, ‘Time of The Month’ will be forever much more pleasant when you can clean properly after EVERY pad or tampon change.