In the business of international smuggling there can’t be many scarier trips to have to make than stuffing pellets of high grade cocaine or heroin in your stomach.
For a start it must be agonizing having to swallow the pellets. For anyone who struggles to get a few paracetemol down your gullet, you’ll know exactly what I mean.
Some of these mules are either mega desparate for money, or they love the thrill of the mission.
But can you imagine how petrified you’d be sitting at your gate waiting to board your plane with 50 or 60 pellets of cocaine in your stomach?
Sure, the street value can be huge, but I bet it’s rare for the mule to see much of the value swimming around inside his body.
What happens when a pellet bursts in the stomach?
They’d most likely start to feel very hot and sweaty almost instantly, and most likely lose consciousness not long after.
However, not all mules carry class A drugs in the stomach or up their poop tubes!
Just recently, one such international smuggler decided he wasn’t made for the coke up the crack pipe routine.
And decided to shove as many gold bars as he could up his backside before boarding his plane!
I’m not sure if he melted them down into nice torpedo shaped lumps of gold before sliding them up his rectum.
Or just went for the regular gold bars!
Ouch. Very ouch!!
What a complete pain in the butt!
I can imagine him going into a bank, “hello I’d like to make a deposit” – but he obviously wasn’t going to declare a drop going through customs.
However, I believe he was caught with some 1.2kg of gold up his bum, which is one mighty load!
Total weight of the gold was said to be 1200 grams hidden inside LED lights.
You mean he shoved LED torch lights up his rectum as well?
The plot thickens!!
Upon searching his luggage, customs officers found even more gold.
In total, the man was carrying 2kg of gold worth an estimated £70,000.
So How Was The Man With The Golden Bum Caught?
Did customs officers hear the gold clanking as he walked through passport control?
Did they have one of those x-ray body scanners like the one in Total Recall?
Did he get grassed up, as is often the case, whilst 20 more mules behind him, waltz on through the customs checkpoint.
In fact, the Indian man was arrested on suspicion of smuggling after customs officers saw him walking in a suspicious manner after walking off a plane in Hyderabad.
Well, how would you like to try and walk straight, without suspicion with 1.2kg of gold up your bum?
Don’t buy Gold, it’s just bottomed out!
Gold in India is worth significantly more than it is in either Singapore or Dubai meaning it is an attractive commodity for smugglers.
One customs agent said: ‘A smuggler bringing gold pieces concealed in his rectum is often an expert. That’s because not anyone can move with ease when gold pieces are in the place that the sun don’t shine’.
A gold smuggler, not involved in this week’s operation, told reporters that the maximum any smuggler should attempt to carry up their clay pit is 800g.
He said: ‘We practice carrying the gold and try walking and sitting normally to avoid customs officials.
‘Food or water is strict no during assignments. There are a few exercises we do that make work easier and help us carry more gold.
‘The maximum one can carry in the rear is up to 800 grams broken into pieces.’
Keep your eyes peeled for the next Hollywood blockbuster coming to your local screen!
Wait for it…
Ok, I won’t…
But I will say he must have given the customs officers a new meaning to the phrase ”gold finger”.
I only hope that when he gets to prison, he’s not going to have too much of a tough time keeping the boys in the yard from prospecting for gold!
Oh, so naughty but I couldn’t resist!!
Keep well, and make someone in your life feel special, just leave off the gold purchases, you don’t know where it’s been…
Looking forward to hearing from you,Greg Noland
CEO & Founder
The Bum Gun Ltd